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Which 3 (Or less) in 1997?

10% 10% [ 1 ]
40% 40% [ 4 ]
0% 0% [ 0 ]
10% 10% [ 1 ]
20% 20% [ 2 ]
10% 10% [ 1 ]
0% 0% [ 0 ]
0% 0% [ 0 ]
10% 10% [ 1 ]
0% 0% [ 0 ]

Total Votes : 10

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A poem of my own

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A poem of my own

Post by superkameguru on Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:04 pm

Hey all i wrote this poem about a year and a half ago so i just wanted to get some feedback on it and see what people though

Broken

I hear the cries of a family echo,
throughout the halls of a broken home,
the bewildered baby boy cries out to the father,
the father cries out to the son he cannot comfort,
the dainty daughter cries out for the return of the father,
the mother cries for the daughter,
whose wishes she cannot grant,
the father cries over the choice he has made,
I hear the cries of the individuals who cry for one lost,
the cries of those who mourn,
the cries that cannot be sated by words or gifts,
I hear the cries, I hear the cries
Those cries to a father who could not hold his own,
I hear myself cry for the man who was my father,
though i do not hear the cries of the father who is gone

But now i hear the laughter from those who cried
the baby boy laughs because he has fallen,
but the father still cries because he is not there to pick him up,
the daughter laughs because of the outfit she has made,
the outfit that has made its way onto the baby boy,
the mother laughs because of then children's ignorant happiness,
but the father still cries,
I laugh and cry for the brother not bound by blood,
for the times i was able to share, I laugh,
for the months of time wasted with the unbound brother, I laugh,
for the years of laughs yet to come, I laugh,
as time flows by I will always laugh
Laugh at the memories shared with the father,
Laugh at the memories shared with the grandfather,
Laugh at the memories yet to be shared
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Re: A poem of my own

Post by JakeTheSnake on Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:15 pm

I enjoy this piece, it has a certain emotional resonance to it that brings it a greater impact on the reader.

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Re: A poem of my own

Post by superkameguru on Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:18 pm

thanks i wrote it a few weeks after my dad's suicide
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Re: A poem of my own

Post by JJwells on Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:20 pm

Wow dude thats sad man.. but really impacting.
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Re: A poem of my own

Post by superkameguru on Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:40 pm

thanks guys and if i get enough review on it ill start writing weekly poetry to post up here because i have a shit ton
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Re: A poem of my own

Post by JJwells on Thu Jan 27, 2011 12:40 am

That would be awesome its always nice reading things like this and seeing what people have going through their mind.
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Re: A poem of my own

Post by G-force55 on Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:47 pm

dude that is pretty aweome stuff. it was a beautifull poem man. you should definately post more up and hey i used to do some poetry maybe i start up again and post some to
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Re: A poem of my own

Post by Cjanz on Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:48 pm

If you want it to be regular maybe you should consider posting them as weekly blogs or something.

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Re: A poem of my own

Post by superkameguru on Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:12 pm

its a done deal then i will start a weekly post of my poetry, songs, short stories, and/or scripts along with the story about jjwells i started in the make up a story thread which i will write new chapters for every few days
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Re: A poem of my own

Post by G-force55 on Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:34 pm

thats awesome, im excited for this!
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Re: A poem of my own

Post by JJwells on Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:17 am

Same as me it should be awesome.
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